Shameless

I admit it. I am shamelessly making a post for the sole purpose of advertising this giveaway (and thereby gaining another entry therein). I apologize to anyone who got their hopes up. :D

MckMama is hosting a giveaway for a new HP Touchsmart 600 computer. And I'm a nerd, so while I do not actually think I will win said computer in a million years, it would be SOOOOOOO cool if I did! Check out the full info here.

Funk.

Boo!

Did you miss me?

I think at least one person did. In the midst of mission trips to Haiti, first anniversaries, and tripling coupons like mad...perhaps you missed me too. :) I'll just assume you did, since it makes me feel better. Thanks so much.

And now for the funk...

I credit my husband with the first use of this term to describe a day when he was feeling a bit "off". We've come to understand its meaning and most of what is being said when we report the funk to each other. To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, here are some definite signs of the funk:

1. Everything irks you just a little bit.
2. You want peace and quiet more than anything else in the world.
3. You find yourself staring into nothing (you know, a lot more than usual).
4. There's some sort of mental block set deep in your brain--you feel like you're thinking through mud.
5. Things that normally make you happy suddenly make you go "Eh. Okay."
6. You distance yourself from other people, then wonder why those other people seem distant.
7. On second thought, even more than peace and quiet, you want a nice long hug from your very best friend.
8. You feel the urge to be just a little ticked off at God...along with the simultaneous urge to throw yourself at His feet and beg for comfort and love.

Such is the nature of the funk. Things you can not deny feeling but know you have no reason to feel. The funk has been visited upon me for at least a solid week now. In fact, I think it's been slowly building for some time. Round and round and round it goes, where it stops...nobody knows. Perhaps a decision on my part. Perhaps a song. Perhaps a note from a friend. Perhaps something I read...perhaps.

The most encouraging thing about the funk is that it is not a chronic condition. And my "brain mud" may be all washed away by the time I wake up tomorrow. We shall see.

miracles...

Kelli Allen, a wonderful excellent friend of mine, told me somewhere between our first and second child that the real miracle of childbirth is that you usually forget about it enough to do it again.

I should stop right there and say: No, Mama, I'm not pregnant.

I'm talking about that wonderful church institution that drains an entire congregation's energy for a whole week: Vacation Bible School. Because it has occurred to me this year that VBS is a lot like childbirth in the way Kelli described it. Each year I spend weeks planning, improvising activities that I simply like better than the ones in the curriculum, and cutting out all those aggravating pieces of cardstock Lifeway likes to make part of every leader pack. Then I decorate, which usually involves climbing on chairs, moving heavy furniture, and more aggravating pieces of cardstock. And then...it's on. The children descend upon the church and the fun begins. Except some nights I wouldn't go right to fun. But despite the weariness at the end of the week, when this magical time arrives again next year you are likely to find me in a decorated classroom with my aggravating cardstock cut-outs all over again. Nevermind the fact that I've already determined I need a break next year. I've counted it up and found that I've taught VBS for 9 years now (I did skip a year right after Luke was born)...which does not seem so very long until you think about the fact that I'm only 26!!! Maybe a break is in order. Ask me next year.

VBS holds many small-scale miracles, to be sure. Gathering such a large group of children for a concentrated week of teaching God's word--that's a miracle. The closeness each class acheives by the end of the week--that's a miracle. And the fact that nearly the same people make VBS a sucess year after year--that's most certainly a miracle.

Reasons I'm a Good Mom

I need this post. Ever have one of those days? Mine was yesterday. So indulge me. Thankyouverymuch.

I've determined I'm a good mom because...

1. I vacuum Lego's out of my kitchen vent.
2. I make my daughter oatmeal for dinner if she really wants it.
3. I keep my children's toys in order (I also keep them from mixing up all the Play-doh, but we won't go there)
4. I support my son in his slightly OCD habits...mostly because they're my habits too. :)
5. I sometimes cry when I see my little girl all dressed for dance class.
6. I iron their church clothes. And I always make sure their shoes match. And Sissy's hair accessories. Every great once in awhile, the whole family matches! My husband loves that.
7. I spend time away from my kids. Without feeling guilty about it.
8. I always know what to order them at McDonald's and Chick-fil-A so that everyone gets enough nuggets and fruit for themselves...only sometimes Bubba likes a cheeseburger.
9. I often have a sixth sense about where to look for lost things.
10. I know the name of every character of every movie they've ever seen. I'm a fount of useless knowledge like that.
11. I like watching the Imagination Movers. And the Backyardigans. And Wall-E. And...well, we'll just leave it at that.
12. I change songs on the CDs in the car on demand...most of the time.
13. I seem to have a knack for boiling down great truths of God so that Luke actually runs out of questions. For example, Mama, are there stores in heaven? No, baby. We won't need stores in heaven. Then how will I buy Power Miners there? God has everything in heaven we need to be happy forever, baby. Oh. Okay.
14. I have apparently taught my children enough about God that they know to ask these questions.

a little visit with mom...and a little time with God

Be warned. This is deep. And a little painful. But it ends on a happy note, so read on if you like. Just don't say I didn't warn you. :)

If you've read this post, you may have gathered that I don't have much of a relationship with my mom. Well, last week I had a chance to spend nearly two whole days with her. I have to admit I was a little scared. Okay a lot scared. I thought of staying home, but my sister needed my support so I went. Here's some of the good and bad that followed:

First, it is important for me to say that I do not hate my mother. I do not resent her, nor do I blame her for anything that is "off" in my own life. This is not an "oh I can't stand that woman" type of post.

I love my mother...a fact that often blows up in my face when I'm around her.

You see, my mother is...broken. After years of misfortune, bad decisions, lack of support, and an outright abuse of several types of medication, my mom is a shell of the person she once was. Each time I see her I am hopeful I will see a glimpse of the woman who was strong enough to raise me on her own for several years before she began her descent. Last week, before we arrived in South Carolina for my sister's basic training graduation, I was filled with so much...hope. Hope that since mom was sober when I talked to her on the phone she would be okay when I saw her. Hope that she would not come with a week's supply of pills for only two days. Hope that she would be my mom in the way I remember her before all this and not some broken, pitiful, incompetent woman that I am obligated to spend time with.

Keep in mind that the only hope that does not disappoint is found in Christ...because this particular hope of mine was certainly shattered. And yet I am not terribly upset or disappointed. Specifically because Christ does not disappoint.

I believe God can use even the smallest things to reach my heart. Sometimes it becomes clear to me that I believe that in my head and not so much in practice. Of course, that fact is clearest when He does break through my little human fog to reach into my heart. Such was the case as I sat outside our hotel near Fort Jackson, waiting for my uncle to arrive with my mom. He had already warned me of her slightly incapacitated state (yes that's an understatement) and I could feel the anxiety brewing in the pit of my stomach. Not just butterflies, mind you, but large, heavy boulders of dread...the kind that make you feel hot from the inside out and force you to consider losing your dinner on the sidewalk. I sat in my car for nearly an hour, waiting while they stopped for food and made the final leg of the trip.

Why would one sit in a car in the South Carolina heat for an hour without going inside the hotel? Fear. And what does one do for an hour in the car? Watch the people swimming in the hotel's pool; read through Ephesians chapter 3, which talks about the unfathomable love of Christ; and listen to music that I honestly was not in love with. Out of boredom...and lack of good radio stations. While I'm sitting in my car worrying and not-listening to The Best of the Gaither Vocal Band, volume 1, a slightly familiar song begins. I recognize the chorus, but I would never have pulled that particular song out of the back of my mind for any purpose.

Until now.

Here are the words I heard, sung by Michael English:

Lily of the Valley, let your sweet aroma fill my life
Rose of Sharon show me how to grow in beauty in God's sight
Fairest of ten thousand make me a reflection of your light
Daystar shine down on me let your love shine through me in the night

Lead me Lord, I'll follow...anywhere you open up the door
Let your word speak to me, show me what I've never seen before
Lord I want to be your witness, you can take what's wrong and make it right
Daystar shine down on me, let your love shine through me in the night

Lord I've seen a world that's dying, wounded by the master of deceit
Groping in the darkness, haunted by the years of past defeat
But when I see you standing near me, shining with compassion in your eyes
I pray Jesus shine down on me let your love shine through me in the night

Lead me Lord, I'll follow anywhere you open up the door
Let your word speak to me, show me what I've never seen before
Lord I want to be your witness, you can take what's wrong and make it right
Daystar shine down on me, let your love shine through me in the night

That second verse is in bold because it was almost like a description of my relationship with my mom--she is certainly wounded by the master of deceit, groping in the darkness, and haunted by her years of past defeat. And, having placed my trust in Jesus Christ, I am the one who sees Him standing near with compassion in his eyes. After I heard this song...and heard it again...and heard it again, my worry seemed to scamper off and hide in the corner because a great light had been shed on the purpose behind this little gathering we were about to have. It was not a chore. It was not a horrific, terrifying, dreadful encounter with someone I would just as soon not involve in my life. It was not destined for disaster. It was an opportunity. Because you see, my life is blessed...and it is beautiful. But it is that way because the Lord proclaimed it so. I did not earn my husband or his salary. I did not earn the most beautiful children in the world (yes, they are). I did not earn my college education. I did not earn what little bit of the knowledge of God I posess. I have been granted each of these things because of His grace and mercy and it is now my responsibility to take the love He has lavished upon me and pour it out to a fallen world so that they might have life...and have it more abundantly.

My mother does not need me to tell her she is screwing up her life. In times of heartfelt honesty, she has told me that herself. She does not need me to preach to her or guilt-trip her (yeah, that's a verb) about the ways I think she failed as a mother. She does not need me...at all. She needs Jesus. And I know Him. Matthew says to us in the New Testament: "let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your father in heaven" (Matthew 5:16). So my mission is this: shine. Radiate a blinding light that no one can deny comes from God himself. Do I know how to do this? I haven't the foggiest. But I have my instruction manual. And I have a never-ending supply of all-sufficient grace. And that's an excellent place to start.

Were those two days a picnic? No. Was my mom a disappointment in the way she acted? Yes. But did I spend my time ignoring her, resenting her, or even outright hating the fact that she was with me? No. Why? I'm so glad you asked. Because in order for her to see love, I must be for her what she can not be for herself. I must not come with standards for her to live up to...because really, which of us measures up to the Father's expectations? And I must be the light she lacks in her life. After all, I can do all things...through Christ, who strengthens me.

Not Me! Monday-almost-Tuesday

You know the drill. MckMama has a blog carnival. I write. Here goes.

First off, I would like to say that I am not in the least bit disappointed that MckMama selected a new Not Me! Monday button that no longer matches my blog colors. I did not briefly mention my love for the old button in this post. Because really, who cares if the buttons I post to my blog match the template colors? I am not considering copying the html code from the old button and continuing to use it in rebellion. Not me...

My husband and I did not each spend about 20 minutes last night searching our house for our beloved stool that is supposed to live in our bedroom. Said stool could have potentially been used for perching upon while washing our handful of very dirty children in our oversized master bathtub. But the two of us did not spend a good chunk of the evening looking for the silly thing...and we certainly did not find it in a very conspicuous place like the middle of our kitchen.

I did not freak out at a rest stop on our way home from Durham because I thought my dear husband had gotten out of the van without putting it in park. I did not yell and nearly jump out of the car only to realize that it was the Jeep beside us moving and that we were perfectly safe. I would never do such a thing.

I did not begrudge my children one bit for deciding they wanted the same thing for lunch that hubby and I did. In fact, sharing food among the five of us is never a problem because I would never be caught with only one can (yes, can) of tomato soup and only enough cheese to make two grilled cheese sandwiches. I'm on top of my stockpile like that.

So...what are you proud to admit you didn't do this week?

A Week of Mayhem

So...is anyone else's week as crazy as mine??? Last Friday we came back from the beach, so the house was a mess for a full three days. On Tuesday afternoon I left for Columbia, SC to attend my sister's graduation from basic training. She is now a card-carrying member of the Army National Guard! Thursday I returned home around 3:30 and we were all repacked and on the road again before 5:30. Yeah.

Several things were forgotten in that repacking process, I might add. Important things. Things we should never leave home without. But I digress.

Tonight we're having a night on the town with some real-live-grown-up friends and then tomorrow, as you may have guessed, we'll be back in the car. Again. Oh my.

I want to post about my sister's graduation and what an incredibly big deal I found that to be. I want to post about nearly 48 hours spent with my mother. And I want to post something about God's provision of mercy, love, and comfort. But for the moment, I am still a bit jet-lagged (or car-lagged, as the case may be) and our real-live-grown-up friends will be arriving soon to pick us up for a night of dinner and...well I don't know what for sure but I've heard rumors of miniature golf. I predict my husband will win. :D

You have not 'cause you eat not.

The title is a great example of my husband's vast...wisdom. :)

My husband is not a pig by any means, but he does enjoy his food...and his snacks...and sometimes the snacks of those around him. Apparently my children are picking up on this, as Sara Beth (in her most serious 3-year-old voice) warned me today while we were loading the car at Harris Teeter:

Mama, when we get home we hafta keep the fruit nuggets a srecret so Daddy won't eat 'em all.

Fruit nuggets, by the way, are a bit hard to describe...they look almost like Chicklets (remember those???) except they're chewy and made from organic fruit and fruit juice. So not quite fruit snacks but not quite fruit either. The strawberry ones are yummy, if I do say so myself!

And for reference, I only ate the one my son offered me. :D

What Time Is It?

It's time once again for...



I've been a bit out-of-the-loop for the past week or so, but I'm sure there are plenty of things I haven't done lately...

I absolutely did not almost lose my religion last Friday morning when my precious baby boy slammed his little baby head right into my nose! I also didn't spend the next ten minutes or so crying in my bed because it hurt so. very. bad.

Our whole family did not pull over in the parking lot of an empty building that I'm convinced was located in the absolute middle of nowhere so that my daughter could have her first outdoor potty experience. And said experience did not involve a bucket pulled from the beach bag in the back of our van.

While we were spending our mornings lounging on the beach, I did not seriously consider donning the bikini I wore on my honeymoon six years and three kids ago. In fact, I most definitely didn't even pack the skimpy little thing because what self-conscious woman with repositioned body parts would ever think of such a thing???

Oh, and there is not another urinating-in-an-inappropriate-receptacle story to go along with our vacation...but if there were I would definitely have to keep it to myself to protect the innocent and those involved against their will.

And no, that was not a tease. :)

For more bloggers in denial, visit MckMama!

Blogging from the road

Actually I'm blogging from the water since we're all aboard the Southport ferry!

We are all quite tanned (except Chris, who has good reason to fear the sun) and today we visited the aquarium at Ft. Fisher. Sara Beth is mostly loving her little dance camp and Chris is taking me to see Transformers 2 tonight...and yes, I'm pretty excited about that!

And now, back to the vacationing!

Not Me Monday (via email)

I only have one today:

I am not spending the week lounging at the beach with the fam. We have not already been sea-splashed and sand-coated for today. And there are no adorable tan lines on my little ones' buns!

Not me.

For some real admissions, visit www.mycharmingkids.net!

Consider the Lord

Disclaimer: I originally wrote this as an e-mail to a friend of mine. So, Friend, if you're reading this, I apologize for managing the Department of Redundancy Dept. :D

It's amazing what you "know" but never pay attention to. I guess I should probably say it's amazing the things you breeze over until God draws you to them. Today I read this out of Ephesians and I think I fell in love (again):

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen!"--Ephesians 3:20-21

Just how often have I thought I knew what was best for my life? And how dumb was that? So often I pray for the good thing three feet in front of me when God has so much more waiting at the end of the next mile. How stupid I am...and how wondrous the matchless grace of Jesus. In my own little bubble, I can imagine that I am educated, I am smart, I have a handle on this life (Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, anyone?)--and yet when I look up from all the me of my life, I should weep at the enormous love God must have for me to allow me to act the way I do through a single day.

Where is my mind each day that I don't consider this? Because I don't. I start my day in hesitation and dread of what will attack me and I finish it regretting the things I watched myself do. And yet in my mind I know that the very SPIRIT OF GOD is hovering inside me waiting for me to recognize Him and to move out of the way of His work. In my mind. I know He desires abundance for me, peace within me, and gracious obedience from me...how is it that I fill my days working so hard to negate each of those things? To him be the glory in the church (not the building...but also the building)...how beautiful that statement sounds! How glorious and incredible that would be! How pitiful I am at bringing it. And yet, how marvelous and wonderful and uplifting to know that He is "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine"; and that "his power...is at work within us". How incredible it is to have consistent, pervading, all-encompassing hope in every moment this side of eternity because of what awaits us on the other side. AND because of the knowledge that our battle to realize that eternal hope is already decided.

I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene, and wonder how He could love me--a sinner, condemmed, unclean. How marvelous! How wonderful! And my song shall ever be how marvelous, how wonderful, is my Savior's love for me!

Not Me! Monday

I think I'm jumping on a pretty large bandwagon here. Thanks to a post my friend Jennifer made last week, I have discovered this blog, which is written by a pretty amazing, interesting woman who is a source of inspiration for many. Each week, MckMama hosts a blog carnival where her many of her readers make posts about a single theme--it's called Not Me! Monday and the point is to blog about all the things you did not do over the past week because you would be horribly embarrassed to admit them. Of course, you did do them, but that's the fun of the whole thing. So here are some of the things I absolutely did not do this past week and a few I definitely will not be doing in the coming week.

I most certainly did not spend the entire week working on laundry, only to have clean-but-unfolded clothes laying neatly in stacks on the backs of my living room chairs. And my husband is also not digging for clean undies in the laundry basket.

My husband and I did not spend our Sunday evening watching the movie Happy Feet after the kids went to bed. And said movie is totally not made for kids nor did we DV-R it just for our children to watch and then end up watching the whole thing by ourselves with no children present.

I have not discovered in the past couple of weeks that I can sleep in my contacts without any adverse effects, thereby stretching my daily wear contacts into three- or four-day ones. I always do what my optometrist tells me where my eye care is concerned and I would never resort to simply doing what I can get away with just because I would rather not mess with my eye!

And finally...

My firstborn baby son will absolutely, positively, most definitely NOT be turning five this coming Thursday. He is not beyond excited that his birthday party is at the local skating rink, and I am not wholeheartedly considering sending reminder calls to his preschool friends to make sure anyone who's in town shows up! He also does not read better than some third graders I have known, can not completely dress himself or (mostly) brush his own teeth, and he is not adorably cute and sweet in his semi-grown-up ways. My baby son will forever remain the half-bald, chubby-cheeked, totally dependent little toddler he is in my mind. Yes.

So there you have it. Is there something you didn't do this week that you feel like getting off your chest? Join the fun!

Oh, and I do not just love how the orange Not Me! Monday button matches the orange banner in my blog header. I am not OCD like that. Nope. Not at all. :D

What's Missing?

Notice something(s) missing from the sidebar? I was playing around with template options and those particular items have disappeared into the Twilight Zone. I am using the wrong computer to upload them again...and I'm going to bed, so my small following will just have to do without said items for right now.



Do you actually know what's missing???

And finally it ends (the vacation, that is)

The final day of our trip, we visited The Biltmore House. Chris had never been, which I just thought was a travesty, and I barely remember going my 8th grade year of elementary school. It was large, and beautiful, and very...opulent. "They" don't allow you to take pictures inside the house, so we're at a loss there. But, I do have some very nice pictures of some of the beautiful flowers in their expansive gardens. We enjoyed ourselves immensely walking around with our little audio tour headsets. Of course, everyone we saw was also walking around with the dorky-looking things on too, so it was okay. Once it was over and we were exhausted, we headed home. And after we retrieved our younglings from the grandparents, we headed home...for real. :)

Enjoy the flowers (and the postcard-worthy shot I snagged of the House itself)!

'Round and 'Round and 'Round We Go

Morning in the Dickerson household has been something like this:




Wash, rinse, repeat. They're making me dizzy!

On a different note, Adam is completely dressed in things I very vividly remember Luke wearing, which is very cute but it is also sad to think that A-man is now the size Luke was when we thought he was so big. He loves the shirt, too: "Trwain. Choo-choo. Mm-hmm."

The Trip, day 2

So, after the aforementioned coffee and bagel we drove to Marshall, NC.

Never heard of it? Me either. But they do have awesome recreational activities there:



I know you can't see it...but that's me. In the front of a raft. In the middle of a class IV rapid on the French Broad River. Woo hoo! I'm pretty sure this was taken just before I thought I was going to fall out of the raft and grabbed the rope on the side for dear life.

I'd never been whitewater rafting before but Chris, being the manly ex-youth minister he is, has been several times. So I thought this would be something neat to do together--and it was! I had lots of fun (so did he, I think) and no one got sent overboard, so it turned out really well. But don't you know that we chose to travel to the mountains on the two chilliest days of the past several weeks??? The day before we got there, 80 degrees. The day we left, 80 degrees. This day, when we were soaking wet and there was a wind strong enough to make my ears hurt and it was raining not on us but at us...

...this day was about 65. Go figure. Still fun, though!

After all that excitement, there was a good bit of this:



*not my actual husband*


Once we'd had enough of that we headed for dinner in what my uncle called "South Asheville". We had reservations at a restaurant called Frankie Bones, and we had them there for a very specific reason--their Early Dining menu. My husband ate prime rib, some really good potatoes, and a Caesar salad. I had a wonderful chicken/vegetable/pasta dish that was too large for me to finish and a salad as well. Our drinks (sweet tea--is there anything else to drink with dinner?) were even included. The cost?

His dinner: $14.99
My dinner: $13.99

This was an AWESOME find! No, I don't have a picture of our food. Sorry to disappoint. :)

The day did not end with dinner...our "dessert stomachs" were still very empty. And my uncles certainly had the cure for that! We met at their house, which has an AMAZING view, and they drove us to downtown Asheville. It reminded me a lot of Chapel Hill--you know, 5,000 people and 200 parking spots. Our ultimate destination was a place called the Chocolate Lounge. Oh yeah. Before we got there, though, we stopped at a different chocolatier where each of us had a mouth-watering truffle. Skip ahead about a block and a half and we all had ice cream too. Notice a pattern? And we still haven't made it to the Chocolate Lounge! We stopped to see the Drum Circle, a Friday night occurrence in Asheville. It was...very interesting. There was definitely a time in my life (when I was much younger, much less inhibited, and much more naive about people's perceptions) when I would have really gotten into the whole scene. But not now. And not in a white linen skirt. I do have a picture of the crowd, the capturing of which made me look even more like a tourist:





And then...the icing on the cake. We arrived at the Chocolate Lounge, where there lay a plethora of adorable little things that looked something like this:





As full as I was from dinner (and truffles and lemon sorbet...) I managed to scarf another truffle, about half of a luscious brownie topped with cinnamon and cayenne pepper (very interesting taste--hurt so good!), half of one of my uncle's truffles, and several bites of a lavender creme brulee. Oh, and some decaf coffee that I purposefully doctored to consist more of milk and sugar than coffee. Nearly too stuffed to talk, we headed back to my uncles' house and relaxed (as much as possible with their very large dogs) on the couch watching TV. Then we finally headed back to the Grove Park, collected our things for check-out the next morning, and collapsed into bed. Ahhh...

Still more to come about the last day, but not nearly as much activity as this one!!!

I know, I know

I am fully aware that there is another day and a half left to post about from my little trip with spub...but my head is in a small vice grip right now and there will be no wrestling with photo placement or post layout at this time. I have really cool pictures of what we did on Friday, though, and they will be posted!

...as soon as my head doesn't feel like it's imploding upon itself.

Back to our regularly-scheduled program...

We've officially been home for 24 hours now, and life seems very much...normal. Except that I have a little leap in my heart thinking about our time spent alone together. So as promised here are some of the details of our little getaway (complete with illustrations)! We spent our time away in Asheville, which was extremely relaxing and beautiful despite the fact that I filled up a lot of our trip with various activities! I'll start with just Thursday, because really a blog post only needs to be so long.

First off, we spent lots of time here:

Once we got near Hickory, I let Chris guess what we were doing. Apparently I was not quite as secretive as I thought because he was able to guess not only where we were going (because he just knew that's where the exit I gave him was and what was about that distance from Durham), but also the two main activities I had planned. Oh well. He could not guess where we would be staying, though:

That's a view of the Gove Park Inn looking up from the spa area. This place is...incredible. There's gorgeous stonework everywhere, beautiful views, and more neat places inside the Inn itself than we could even find! Awesome...relaxing...beautiful. Kudos to my uncle for helping us get the best deal possible on staying at this wonderful place and for buying us the most amazing dinner I've ever eaten:

Now we didn't actually eat what was in this picture, but it was definitely just as nice and there's not enough room on this entire page to show you everything we ate. It took us three hours to eat our complete four-course dinner, which was a good speed because I doubt I would have been able to eat half of it at a normal pace. My husband picked antelope as his main course dish...he's such a guy! We ate so much at dinner I was seriously debating breakfast the next morning, but we did gladly accept hot coffee and a nicely-toasted bagel from my other uncle before heading off for a morning of high adventure! Stay tuned...

The Game is Afoot

Just be warned: I am kidnapping my husband in the morning. We will be dispensing the children upon the grandparents approximately midday, at which time we will leave for destinations unknown (to him, anyway). We will return Saturday. Mobile communication devices will accompany us, but I make no promises as to their utilization. The blog will reflect our activities once we have returned.

This message will self destruct in 5

4

3

2

1

>poof<

Things I Love About Hope Mills

Since I don't actually live in Durham anymore and I am by no means unhappy living here, I think Hope Mills deserves its own list! See Durham's list here.

1. Our house. It's pretty awesome.
2. Green Springs...and the music we sing there!
3. Produce that comes from people who actually grow it!
4. At least there's ONE Harris Teeter!
5. Big T's shaved ice. I just wish my favorite flavor wasn't bright red so I didn't look like a total goofball after eating it and turning all the surfaces near my mouth that same shade!
6. Krispy Kreme. I know where this one is...I just can't go there after dark!
7. The Splash Pad!
8. Our pediatrician. Yeah that one's weird, but I really do like her.
9. Feeling like we're actually making our own life in a new town.
10. Being home...in a different place. :)

The Ultimate Irony

Today I won free groceries from Harris Teeter! Now, you would think this would be a great thing, right? Well, it would...except I only went to buy things that were nearly free since this is Triple Coupon week and my total was a grand $ .82! I guess they didn't lose any money on me!

The Day Is Almost Over...

...and I have yet to celebrate it!

On this day, exactly six years ago, I married my youth minister. :D

That's what he was when I first met him, anyway!

Technically, we spent most of the day apart--Chris and Luke were camping with our church's children's ministry and I had the other two kids on layover at Grandma's house. Once we were finally all home, we were all home and that meant unpacking, playing Lego's with Luke, watching Sissy and Adam jump on the bed, and generally being exhausted. So there was not much anniversaring going on today. Even now that the kids are in bed, Chris has fallen asleep on the couch (almost an hour ago now) and I'm...well, I'm blogging or you wouldn't have anything to read!

Six years ago, Chris and I were silly in love...probably to the point that we made people sick. He was sweet and he was funny and our worlds revolved around each other. Since then, I've grown up a lot (I think...) and I have learned over and over again that neither love nor marriage will survive based solely on our feelings for each other. My husband is Godly, he is responsible, he is loving, he makes time for us, he is involved with our children, he lets me be all weird like I know I am, and he is even still goofy...a lot goofy. Because I know each of these things--and so many more--to be true, I choose this day and all the rest of my days to uphold the promise engraved on Chris's wedding band:

"...where you go, I will go, where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the Lord do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me." Ruth 1:16-17

Today at Grey Stone was particularly special for me simply because of a song. On the exact day of our anniversary in the sanctuary where we were married, the church choir sang "You Are" as their anthem. Why does this song matter? Because at our wedding, two dear friends of ours sang the exact same thing...and it was beautiful. Chris and I would also sing it to each other ALL the time, which was slightly less beautiful but still just as meaningful. And if I remember correctly, we stood there on the platform mouthing the words to each other as Bev and Henry serenaded our guests. The song was written as a song of devotion to the Lord, but is also rather appropriate for a couple in love, so it becomes an excellent description for the Christian couple beginning a life of dedication to each other and to God. The words are rather simple:

You are the love of my life
You are the hope that I cling to
You mean more than this world to me
I wouldn't trade you for silver or gold
I wouldn't trade you for riches untold
You are...you are my everything

Until the world stops turning
Until the clouds fade from the sky
Until the sun stops rising
I'll need you in my life
And here's the reason why

You are the love of my life...

There are times in our life now when we forget what it once meant to us to just be in the same room. And we have so many more things to distract us from the love and beauty we saw in each other from the beginning. But this song is still a central truth to our marriage--Chris is everything God intended for me to have in a husband; there is nothing in the world I would trade for him; and because God has knit us together there will never be a day that I live when I will not need my husband.

He is, after all, my favorite sp'ub.

Things I Love About Durham

1. The 'rents.
2. Grey Stone.
3. The man who does story time at the Northern Durham Library. I think he's a little crazy, but my kids have a BLAST!
4. TWO Harris Teeters. Oh my.
5. Southpoint Mall. And the "inside park", which is just about the only part of the mall I get to see with the kids around. Well, that and the food court. :)
6. The fact that I don't hold the responsibility for keeping this house clean. I clean up, yes, but I don't have to worry about dusting or cleaning bathrooms...ahhh.
7. Knowing I am so much closer to the places where I really grew up. Oh, the days when I was free and could be lazy without feeling so guilty about it!
8. Driving by our old house and thinking, That poor man just can not keep up with his yard the way Chris could!
9. Dunkin' Donuts. I know there's one in Fayetteville, but I don't think I could find it to save my life!
10. The proximity of #9 to #5. :D
    
11. Being home.
    

I am such a nerd...

Big Deal #1: Today being Memorial Day, Grandma had the day off. The whole day.

Big Deal #2: Crabtree Valley Mall is the new home of a brand-spanking-new Lego store.

These two things combined determined our morning outing: Raleigh!

Now, you must understand--I am 26 years old. And I was not a huge Lego fan as a kid. But I am apparently just enough of a nerd to fall in love with all things orderly, all things predictable, and all things that come with explicit instructions. I think I was more excited to see all the pre-built models in the store than my kids were...except for the 8-foot Captain Rex (from Star Wars: The Clone Wars) made entirely from little plastic bricks. That one they loved! I dragged Luke around like a little puppy saying, "Look! Isn't that cool?!?!" and making sure he saw every 2-foot by 2-foot box that held more than 700 pieces. He would usually just say, "Yeah" and try to walk off. Poor kid.

When we got home with nearly $100 worth of Legos (thanks, Grandma!) I was nearly as excited to put them together as the kids were. Adam got a Duplo set (the bigger ones, since he's still a little guy) that makes a little fire truck. It comes with a firefighter and a nearly-scary plastic hatchet and orange flame. Sara Beth chose one of the 3 girly things in the store--a set from a collection called Belville that has a horse and rider and bricks to build an awards stand and something for the horse to jump over. And Luke got one of the 3-in-1 sets that makes a racing bike, a chopper-style motorcycle, and a drag racer. They also got a set of magnetic 4x4 bricks in 10 different colors, so they can build cool things on them and then put that on the fridge. THEN the kids filled a Pick-a-Brick cup to boot! They had to promise Grandma that this was their last big treat for the whole week...and I will be very impressed if that actually happens! :D


I love these things! I love the way everything goes together just so; I love the fact that the Lego people have created so many cool things to fulfill a specific purpose; and I love that my 4-year old pays enough attention to them that he learns to use the instructions and do them all by himself. And of course, they must be perfect for him, or they just won't do.

Again, that's my boy.

The End of an Era

Today is Luke's last day of preschool! This morning he copied a message for his teachers in a card for them and then he left with his normal happy little smile. I wonder if he knows that he may never be in school with his little classmates again. Cumberland County has such an expansive school district there are elementary schools around every corner, so everyone is split up really well...although somehow there are still 700 students in the school Luke will attend next year. I can not imagine being 5 years old and going to school with 700 people. My elementary school served Pre-K through 8th grade and we had 350 students. Of course, I lived in the backwoods so that may have something to do with it!

I have been so impressed with his preschool as a whole, particularly his classroom teachers and how he feels so close to them even though he's one of 18 kids in the class. He has learned so many of the things I'd hoped he would--not letters and numbers and colors, necessarily, because he already knew so many of those things. He's learned how to be part of a group, how to eat lunch in a lunch room, how to sit still (I think) and listen to a teacher's instructions, and how to handle classroom assignments. And even though he's only 4 (for exactly 4 more weeks!), I can already see that struggle to belong that comes with being in school. There are a couple of little boys who really seem to be excited about being with Luke and are happy to listen to him share his expansive knowledge of the world. And then there are other times when he is seeking certain boys and he is honestly more like the third wheel in a tight friendship that has formed without him. But he still tries, which I think is amazing.

His whole take on getting out of school became evident last night when he was kissing me goodnight:

Me: Tommorow is your last day of preschool.
Him: Yeah.
Me: Are you sad?
Him: No. I'm excited! 'Cause after preschool we go...
Me: You get to go where? (I thought he would say Kindergarten)
Him: To...VACATION!

That's my boy. :)

He Draws, I Move

It's been a bit of a dry spell here in the blog...

time to do something about that, I reckon.

First off, as I'm sitting on the loveseat and therefore looking right at this particular subject, I would like to celebrate the fact that I finally had pictures printed to fill the openings in our DVD cabinet. We've only had the thing since Christmas!

I think I would like to expand on some thoughts I've been considering lately. If you've read this post you know some of the challenges and darkness of my life over the past couple of years. Several months ago, I was literally flipping through my oldest Bible. I love this Bible, even though it was designed for a stage of life in which I no longer reside. It's a Student Bible, New International Version, complete with the original wave graphic on the front. All of the protective covering has peeled off the outside and the entire book of Matthew falls out when I open it up. It was the first one I actually owned, purchased at the Wal-Mart in Elkin, NC with my own money. I was 15.

One of our reading assignments my senior year of high school involved several different portions of the Bible: the first few chapters of Genesis, some of Matthew, and the entire book of Job. I read these out of my treasured Student Bible instead of the copied packets my teacher gave us, so those sections are replete with yellow highlighting that covers things that were important to me at the time. Every once in a while, I flip through the Bible and look at the things I've highlighted over the past 11 years. My life, of course, has changed a great deal since I was a nerdy little high school student living in my dorm room (it was a residential high school) and breaking in-room curfew sitting on my hall advisor's couch. More and more I am being drawn to those things I did not highlight the first time around, like this:

"He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food."--Job 36:16

Here is the picture painted in my mind by this verse. It comes with a little artistic liberty as well, but hey, it's my blog. I see myself standing in an open field. Actually, it's the outfield of the baseball field at the elementary school I attended, but that's randomness for another discussion. Behind me, there is darkness. It's not spooky, scary, demons-are-creeping-up-on-me kind of darkness--the trees are bare, the sky boils with charcoal-colored clouds, and the ground becomes dense and muddy. In front of me the picture is different, with full trees and an open sky. I see (actually, I sense more than see) the presence of God beyond the tree line. He is using his hand (which is HUGE...'cause He's God, right?) to draw me toward him, like a Jedi would use "the force". I am not walking. I am not deciding whether to go or not. He draws, I move...as though He was pulling a rope tied around my waist. You know, the Bible says God's mercies are new every morning and I think I may finally be in a place to see that as truth instead of some empty promise.

And now, some very upbeat, exciting music as you continue on your day...

I am not Forgotten

Glorious

Bedtime Conversations and Deep Sleep

Tonight, shortly before 11:00, Sara Beth called me to take her to the bathroom. Inside, I was freaking out about the fact that she was up so late, but I calmly sent her to the bathroom. When I took her back into her room, she climbed into bed and curled up with her stuffed doggie, Suzie Doozie (not sure quite how to spell that) and told me the following things:

Suzie Doozie really likes my princess lamp. I told her there aren't doggies on it, but she is a princess too. Mama, will you hug and kiss her too?

Cuteness.

So later, I'm sitting downstairs and I hear this really loud crash from Luke's room. I assumed he had fallen out of the bed, but he never made any noise so I went upstairs to see what was going on. And I was right--Luke had fallen out of his bed. From the way he was laying he probably even bonked his head on the little plastic stool beside his bed. But he hadn't made any noise because the boy was STILL ASLEEP. Man, I wish I could sleep like that!

A Thought about Mothers

Tomorrow (as in, starts in 58 minutes) is Mother's Day. This holiday has always brought up a complicated array of feelings for me. Being the mother of very small children, I feel generally underappreciated in my efforts because so many things I do are simply necessary--who's going to feed the baby his breakfast; who's going to run upstairs and bring Sara Beth more toilet paper; and who's going to cut peanut butter & cinnamon sugar sandwiches into hearts and stars for lunch? Yes, Daddy can do these things...but Daddy must also work so that we have breakfast, toilet paper, and the stuff to make sandwiches! I'm pretty sure every mother I know feels this way at some point, and I'm not completely convinced that it gets any better until, perhaps, the children are grown and have little breakfast-eaters of their own to make them realize how much work this mothering thing really is.

Then there's my own mother who was, shall we say, overwhelmed by life itself. She was young, undereducated, poor, abandoned, and constantly seeking love from the wrong places. And I was, well, I think I was a little much for her. I was very intelligent, highly motivated, and I was constantly striving for more than what I had been born into. So mostly I spent my life being left alone to do my own thing. And I'm not even sure that I identify the woman who raised me as my mother because, despite all the worry and trouble she must have gone to in order to raise me, I never felt an emotional connection with her at all.

Looking back on my life, there are several women I would celebrate as my "mothers". They were ladies who spoke to me about life and the way it works. They listened to me at times when I could not find words to speak about what I had done or what was going on around me. And each of them offered me a small way out of the unfortunate circumstances I had grown up in. Cathy, my 8th grade language arts teacher, opened up my vision of the future when she told me quite sternly that I needed to go to college...and graduate with a degree. At the time I said, "Okay," but I really had no idea how utterly different doing that very thing would make my life and how evident God's hand would be in getting me to that point. Cynthia, who was technically my boss, listened to me as though I were one of her daughters (even though she already had two) and opened her home to me when I felt unwelcome in mine. Pammie was the youth director at the first church I attended. She was the first to show me God's view of my life and the one who showed me where His plan was leading. She taught me objectivity in a time when I was incredibly emotional about everything. She pushed me to move beyond the default settings for my life and seek out the best future instead of simply a good one.

As I (literally) moved on from each of these wonderful ladies, God drew me to a place where He would unfold His plan for my life--and show me a mother's love like I have never known. Women will give you a range of emotions when describing their mothers-in-law (yes, that's the correct way to say it), and these feelings range from plain oddness to downright hatred. My mother-in-law, which is a term I only use to define her socially, is the one who enters my mind as "mother" and since I actually call her Mama, it makes things very awkward if we are ever in the same room as my actual mother. Her name is Margie, which I also feel odd saying in the same way I feel odd about my own children calling me Stephanie...something about it just isn't right. People have assumed we were mother and daughter for years now--some have even said we look alike--and we often have those "great minds" moments where we end up thinking or saying exactly the same thing. I find in her a comfort, a peace, and literally my best friend. There was a time just before Chris and I were married when we thought she might be sick--really sick--and it caused me physical pain to actually look at her with the thought of losing her to some unweilding disease. There are things she has done for me that I could not bring myself to ask my own mother to do because we simply do not have that type of relationship and I can not imagine being at this place in my life without her. And so, on Mother's Day, amid the children clamoring for Grandma's attention and the hours spent at church, I celebrate my Mama and praise God that He would create a woman with a heart big enough to take in many "children" who are not physically her own.

Frugality...

I once read an entire blog post about the difference between being cheap and being frugal. The writer defined being cheap as basically buying the lowest quality stuff you could find in order to spend the least amount of money. Being frugal, she said, was finding a way to pay the least amount of money for the highest quality items or for an excellent quantity/combination of items. And I have come to agree with this lady with all my heart. Let me give you an example:

Think about how much it costs to buy milk. Milk in my area is 2.99 per gallon and we have a 2% food tax, so three gallons of milk cost $9.15. Keeping that number in your mind, look at this list of things I bought from Harris Teeter yesterday using a combination of rain checks and their triple coupon event.

4 1-lb bags of Mahatma white rice
2 boxes Quaker 100-calorie granola bars
2 6-packs White Houseapplesauce
8 1-lb packages of Land-o-Lakes butter quarters
2 bottles Kraft bbq sauce
6 64-count containers Huggies wipes
4 boxes frozen Eggo waffles
2 donuts (for a Mommy/Sissy snack) and yes,
3 gallons of milk

And for this haul, I paid a grand total of $8.98.

Couponing for me is honestly a bit like a game and sometimes I go a little overboard (yesterday was the 5th trip I'd made to Harris Teeter in a week), but if you think about the amount of money one can normally spend just on a "quick trip" to the grocery store (or Wal-Mart, which is a black hole for my money!) I really feel like this helps me do my part to be a good steward of my husband's income. I don't work, so I will gladly spend my time on a "hobby" that allows us to have the best quality of just about anything for next to nothing. And the fever is spreading--I have ladies at church who ask me often when I plan to teach a coupon class because I've shared with them some of the deals I've gotten; and there's an e-mail in my inbox right now asking for my secrets. If this post sounds like a brag, it probably is because I like to do things well...but I am happiest about the fact that I do not have to spend all of my life settling for below-average groceries and generic products simply because we're a single-income family. :D

In Celebration of Luke

I think Friday officially marked the end of babyhood for Luke. We took him to Kindergarten registration at Baldwin Elementary, which is a grand total of 1.5 minutes' drive from our house--and that's only because there's a stoplight. It's a year-round school, which Chris and I both think is a good way to do school. We talked about it with him for days before we went--we told him he would go off with the other kids and do "Kindergarten" things while we sat in a room and learned about sending him to school. Having worked in registration before, I told him about some of the questions they would ask him, like his colors, his name, and how high he could count. Being the humble child he is, he thought to ask, "Are they gonna ask me if I'm smart?" :)

And oh, he is smart. He amazes me, even though I see him do new things every day. Thursday afternoon I handed him a library book he'd never seen before as we got into the car at preschool and he began reading it as we drove home. Friday at the school we visited their Book Fair, where he opened a book about bugs and just began reading us whole sentences like we'd read him the book from birth. He also got a new Lego set for spending almost the entire month of April on green at school (think of a stoplight: green=good behavior, red=much-less-than-good). The set has 193 pieces that combine to make one of three different critters and is designed for children 6-12 years old. After about 24 hours, he could use the instructions to put together the spider, the wasp, and the snake on his own.

When I look at him now, I see a little boy. I can no longer say he looks baby-ish in any way. He has long, skinny, muscular legs. With his shirt off, his little back looks like a miniature man's back--bony, smooth, and skinny. He buttons his daddy's suitcoats for him at church. He feeds his baby brother spoonfuls of carrot-raisin salad. He tells us he wants to learn how to tie his shoes (what child says that???) and that he only wants us to tell him how, not show him. He laughs in a loud and wacky way, the way you picture little boys doing, and makes up jokes that may or may not make any sense. And when he knows he's done something absolutely adorable and I'm about to laugh at it, he flashes this sweet little grin and looks so incredibly cute!

Now, don't even get me started on how the other two are bigger than they ought to be. We'll talk about that when they start Kindergarten!

Turning a Corner...

I am beginning to sense that my life is changing. I feel as though I am stepping out of something...

icky.

Now, to be clear, I am not into pop psychology nor am I overly emotional about things; but I have always looked at my life and my actions in a sort of metacognitive way. I enjoy reasoning out the why behind the way I feel about things, the overall direction of my life...I'm sort of a "big picture" person, I think. At least, that's how it is in my mind, anyway. So back to the changing...

I believe now that the time we spent living in Carthage was very dark for me. I was isolated. I was an outsider to the people in our church. And I was miserable. It was during our time there that Chris and I fought--really fought--for the first time. Little by little, I stopped being the patient, understanding parent I had been since Luke was born. I became reactive, and many times over-reactive, to my children. And while I complained to people about living 30 minutes from Wal-Mart and knowing hardly anyone who had a college degree, there was a much bigger problem: I could not bring my faltering life to God. In my mind, He had led us away from home and to this place where there was no sense of worship, no sense of community (for us), and no sense of hope in our ability to actually minister there. But He had led us there. Why should I be losing it? The confusing problems I saw transforming my life were mine to bear alone because I let them be that way, and I continued to slip further and further away from the life God had spent so many years bringing me to.

And then, after so much darkness, it seemed there was light. We had Adam, which was the first thing that truly brought me happiness since we left Durham. Then in December I received a phone call from Stan McLean, a man from some church looking for a pastor. I thought to myself, This poor man is barking up the wrong tree. Because as unhappy as we were, we had dedicated ourselves to not search out a new church. Then the doors opened. And opened. And opened. Stan became our new best friend! We met people from Green Springs and bonded instantly. The music was...amazing. Amazing. I once wept through a service at Grey Stone because I had come to the realization that I would never again experience music like I had there. Now, I look forward to Sunday morning with great anticipation because I get to sing with people who are led by the Holy Spirit, people who have absolute passion for the Lord. It is honestly a completely different experience and I can't even begin to compare the two anymore.

This weekend I went to a Women's Ministry Leadership training given by the Baptist State Convention. There was a lady there who reminded me a lot of a dear friend from Durham--very outgoing, very to-the-point, very sweet. I was relating to the ladies at my table my newfound joy in our church and she immediately said, "You have a newness for the Lord." And like Archimedes overflowing his bath water, I wanted to shout "EUREKA!"

Long story short: Valleys have their purpose. They make mountains.

Random Observations...

Two things stick out in my mind this morning:

1) I was changing Adam's diaper, which happened to be full of nasty stuff. In full appreciation of the moment, I said, "Yuck!" Adam, being the little mimic he is, tried to repeat my observation. This whole thing was very cute except for the fact that he can't say /y/, so his version came out as something extremely inappropriate!

2) Why is it that having a morning shower is an automatic signal to my kids to make poop??? Every time we wash them, they just dirty up their little buns again as soon as we're done! Everyone had a shower this morning (at one point or another, not all at once), and all the little ones in this house have since put out their share of stink--a pattern I've noticed for a while. Maybe it's just me, but when I clean something I don't want to see that on it for at least a few hours!

Welcome to the world of mom...accompanied by a glimpse into my somewhat-goofy mind. :)

Morning Fun = Afternoon Snack

Today was a milestone. We had random strangers at our house for a playdate! Three ladies and their kids came over for a coupon swap/playdate thing. All the kids were girls (bless Adam's little heart) and it was very apparent that Sara Beth is not used to sharing her things. She wanted everyone to see what she had to play with...just don't touch it! As awkward as I can be sometimes around new people this actually went pretty well. They even liked my chicken pie, which I thought was going to be a little iffy since I was minus a few ingredients. Once we started talking coupons, though, I could tell two of the ladies thought I was a little over-the-top. Good thing I didn't actually show them my stockpile! On their way out, one little girl even asked to come back. Sweet!

Now that they're gone, I'm not sure if I'm hyped on adrenaline (because everything went so smoothly) or sugar (because I've fallen prey to this package of Fudge Stripes). Must...put...cookies...away...

Why I'm an Insomniac

Today I learned that someone I know reads my blog! This makes me a tad bit nervous, despite the fact that I created it for exactly that purpose. At least I can be sure my puny little blog isn't taking up much of her time (so far)!

After determining to go to bed at midnight, I am now working on a post at precisely 11:57 pm. So much for that. I really do realize that going to bed earlier would be greatly beneficial to me, but the quiet and the solitude of the late night hours at our house are just so...magical. When the kids are in bed (and sleeping, not just in bed) and Chris falls asleep on the couch I can watch whatever I like on the television, stalk whomever I please on Facebook, and spend as much time on Hot Coupon World as I can take. Oh, and I can do weird things like Google my high school band director and eat the brownie I bought Sara Beth today at Chick-fil-A, which has since been long forgotten.

So what does one do with no kids or husband to interrupt? Post on my soon-to-be-not-so-secret blog, apparently. At the same time, I'm watching 18 Kids and Counting on DV-R. The Duggars, who are biological parents to 18 children, are braving an ice storm. Considering the size of their family, this is a huge deal for them. I've been fascinated with this family for some time now--I even put their book, The Duggars: 20 and Counting, on my Christmas list this past year. After reading it, I realize Michelle and Jim-Bob (yes, that's his real name) have an incredible heart for the Lord and how hard they work to ensure that heart is implanted in each of their children. Most of us know the Bible says children are a blessing from the Lord, but the Duggars really challenge me in my belief of that statement. How many times to I complain about my children as if the amount of difficulty they bring to my life somehow outweighs my joy in simiply seeing their little smiles? I realize that we are created as individuals and each person allows various amounts of stuff to interfere with their devotion and willingness to serve God, but I often envy this particular couple's dedication to not only live out but also find effective ways to pass on the legacy of a life truly open to God's leading.

Well, 33 minutes after my intended bedtime I'm still awake. And still typing. Shame on me. :)

And We're Back

If you're going to read this blog for any amount of time, there are some things you should know about me. At my most basic level, I am incredibly lazy. I often start things I do not finish. And I am also highly scatter-brained. So...you may think this blog (and, by extension, my life in general) is doomed from the start! However, I am a firm believer in the fact that each new day brings God's mercies afresh and that no matter how horrible I feel about any preceding day as I go to bed, the next one is truly a new day.

Random Thought

Welcome to the blog. I promise the bulk of things written on here will not be this...strange. But this is what's on my mind at the moment and one has to begin somewhere.

I'm watching the DV-R'd portion of a History Channel special on the seven signs of the Apocalypse. Now, my grandfather was a student of many things--Nostradamus being one of them--and I remember finding one of his books as a very young child. Papa would talk about the book of Revelation in these dark, mysterious tones that gave me chills. The fact is I have been terrified of the end times as long as I can remember. But as I'm watching this show, I am strangely calm. It is quite interesting. Since pouring over Nostradamus as a child, I have formed my own thoughts about the end of the world and one of them is this: God created the world with the foreknowledge of its end. He already knew the exact moment it would all be over. So it does not surprise me one bit that the earth has sort of an expiration date, if you will. Scientists look at the condition of our planet with alarm as though they expect it to be eternal when the only eternal home we'll ever know certainly won't come with polluted skies and fault lines. So, the Yellowstone caldera could erupt any year now? There's a star 8,000 light years away that may have already exploded and is battering our planet with gamma rays as we speak? I have the answer.

"For the Lord Himself will descend from Heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord."
1 Thessalonians 4:16-17